During the 60tise when people did not speak so openly about sex like these days. This group of class - mates who were going through puberty when their hormones were running wild, were very curious how it feels to touch a woman's breast.
They talked one of the girls in their class into showing them her breast and she agreed. They were so excited with great anticipation to have the experience of their lives. They all lined up while the girl took off her blouse and pulled out one of her breast from her bra. They one by one touched her breast.
After everybody touched her breast, one of them asked, "so, what we are going to do now"?
The reason I am telling you this story is to show you how much our society puts emphasis on women's breast as sexual object. In fact, God gifted women with breasts for one reason only, to breast feed her children. Being diagnosed with breast cancer is the most dreaded experience every women have.
Why women have such fearsome reaction from breast cancer or mastectomy more than any other type of cancer?
The reason is because it changes their image and the fear stems from how they will be perceived by men and the society in general.
There is a great misconception about breast cancer in our society, especially from the men point of view. For example, a girl friend of mine named Diane, was engaged to be married, when her fiancé found out that she had breast cancer he broke the engagement with her on the phone, claiming "she was not a woman anymore."
Or a young woman going out with a man few times and they get along fine. After she tells him she had breast cancer she does not hear from him anymore. After doing an extensive research and interviewing many men from various socio-economic group, age range, married men and single men, this is what I gathered.
When men hear that a woman had breast cancer or a mastectomy, what pops to their minds are the following:
1. If she lost her breast, they think she lost her femininity also. Therefore, she is not a woman anymore.
2. If she is not a woman anymore, obviously she has lost her sexual desire.
3. Therefore, they are not attracted to her anymore.
4. They develop fear of not being able to have the option of foreplay,
prior to love-making.
5. They think that a woman's breasts are what make her a woman and if she had lost one due to a mastectomy, she is not a woman anymore.
6. They know if they lost their own penis, they would not be able to have a sexual relationship. They feel that it's the same situation with a woman if she lost her breast.
7. They are not aware that men can have breast cancer as well. All these misconceptions stem from the fear of the unknown.
Breast cancer is not only women issue men have breast cancer as well. Statistics indicate that one out of seven women will have breast cancer sometime during their life times. However, breast cancer is uncommon in men. The ratio of breast cancer in men is 1 out of 1000.
The only different between women having breast cancer and men having breast cancer is that, in case of women it changes their image especially if they had mastectomy. While if men have breast cancer it does not change their image and nobody thinks that they are not men anymore.
With all my unconditional love to you all,
Lea Yekutiel - Author
Making the Breast of It: Overcoming Fear of Intimacy After Breast Cancer
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